Kerstin MedardThree years? Where? Another year has come and I am still struggling (some days) to deal with my Dad’s loss. Man… grief is really a trip! I wrote this for my Dad on the third anniversary of his passing. It really tells of how grief shows up differently on different days. But guess what…that’s okay. Acceptance comes with the realization that journeys aren’t linear and grief is no exception.
Days of Grief
Some days I wake up and the pain is right there.
Some days it hits me at random times.
Some days I forget that he has passed away and I feel such a sense of despair when I have the “oh, right, he’s not here anymore” moment.
Some days I feel utterly lost for words when I try to think about losing him.
Some days I can’t stop talking about him.
Some days the slightest thing triggers me to bits.
Some days I can’t even watch a father play with his daughter without breaking down.
Some days I can watch old videos and laugh/cry.
Some days it’s so hard being away from home where the memory is strongest.
Some days I am happy to be away from home where the memory is strongest.
Some days just one song lyric drives me to tears.
Some days I listen to on one of his favourite artists on repeat all day.
But…
Every day I miss him.
Every day I love him.
Every day I think of him.
Every day I honour him.
Every day I am grateful for him.
Every day I remember how he showed up for me, always.
Every day I wish he was still here.
Every day I wish I could talk to him.
Every day I wish I could meet him in my dreams.
But so it is.
Such is my grief.
Such is my loss.
Such is my eternal struggle.
And I wouldn’t give up even an ounce of this heart wrenching pain; for this pain is present because of how fiercely, deeply and totally he loved me.
Sending love and light to all the grievers out there.
I love you.
-Kers
