Don’t Forget To Remember Yourself

You ever get so complacent in a space you just block out everything else? To the point where you brain is just defaulting to a negative answer when it comes to anything new? So, the weapon formed against me was formed by me…myself…and I?

Got slapped in the face with this recently, and I gotta say. Twas a REEL HARD slap. I was so comfortable in the lil Kerstin bubble I built that I didn’t realise I was saying no to pretty much anything new. I found places I liked to eat, drink, shop, work etc. and would just stay there…in that bubble. 

I didn’t want to try anything else. Not the other shopping mall I passed daily, not the café just down the street, not the supermarket on the other side of the street, not that other website that just might be better than the one I was currently using… NOT EVEN the bakery right outside my apartment. 

My default answer for anything was “no” and what was worse is I was just unaware of what was happening with me. How did “no” become my default answer. Don’t get me wrong, I say yes to plenty but my first answer was always no. My answer could be turned into a yes depending on who I am talking to and their convincing capabilities (LOL). Well, if you couldn’t convince me … whole cor-ou pas bon!

Listennnnnn…someone pointed this out to me last week and I was STUNNED. At first, I felt attacked. Then I went into defense mode. Then denial. Then realization. Then speechless. I had to really sit still and ask myself why I was doing this. When did I become this person? 

Did I develop some anxiety towards doing new things because of this deep sadness I experience from losing my Dad. Was it an after effect of COVID-19? Was I just becoming a creature of habit more and more with age? Did I lose my zeal for new things because it inevitably “ends”? Sigh.

Bruh… all kinds of meditation and seeking later I realized that every one of these (and more) above could be the reason. Instead of focusing on what the problem is I realized what really mattered was how I was going to get back to the me I knew before. Because one thing I know is, I cannot really LIVE FULLY with my default being no to things. PYES!!!!  

So, off I go seeking solutions. Now, of course, there is no switch in my head that I can just flip to change this. Sometimes the best thing to do is go back to basics. So I went back to some old kersversations I had with my young people in YOFM a few years ago to search for some reminders. I found these: 

1. Don’t think you can erase negative thoughts. Awareness is everything! The fact that you are aware of it is already a step in the right direction. 
2. Don’t judge the thought or yourself too harshly.
3. Become aware of the thought, when it happens, immediately say 3 things you’re grateful for. This will help turn things around.
4. Everything takes time. Small steps of consistent effort can make all the difference.
5. Journey with grace, some days it’ll be harder than others. 
6. Love yourself through it. 
7. REST & RESET.
8. You deserve the best. Whatever that means for you. That happiness. That success. That love. It’s yours. What you want wants you!!

Here’s to turning things around! 😉

Don’t forget to remember yourself my loves!!

Til next time!

Thanks for rocking with your girl!

Love & Light

~Kers