Kerstin MedardOne of the the hardest parts about being out there, living your dreams very far from home is not being able to easily come home when something happens…like losing a loved one. One week after moving to Japan, I lost two very close people to me. My Grand-Aunt “Nenen” and My “Peanut” (Cornelius George). One was more than enough…but two…Jah knows, the pain was a lot to bear. Nenen was quite aged and very sick when I left, so when I heard of her passing it was painful yet in a way I was not totally surprised. Two days later when I woke up to a barrage of messages about Corn’s passing, I was rocked to my very core.
The worst part, was not being able to grieve with my other family and friends. Not being able to come together, share the stories, the laughs, cry together, laugh together, sing together…mourn and celebrate the life. With Nenen, I was able to speak to her the morning before I left for Japan. I got some final nuggets from her and some good laughter too, sort of a goodbye, but with Cornelius I was at a total loss. The last time we spoke was a few weeks before I left home, I saw him at work, he seemed totally okay at the time. He seemed a little less bubbly than usual but nothing that would make me think something was wrong. When I got the news he was hospitalized I was shocked but I stayed praying for and expecting a full recovery as I knew he was a fighter. Man, waking up that day to those messages…I had so many unanswered questions, but there was only silence, pure deafening silence. All I wanted was to pack my bags and come back home for some answers and to not be facing this alone in a far away place.
My saving grace was You. My peanut. I knew that you wouldn’t allow me to just pack up and go. I swear I could see you saying “Nahhhhhh peanut (shaking head gesture)…I wouldn’t let you do that…its all good. It’s on lock!” *insert your infectious smile here*
Because that’s how you lived your life! Always pushing! Always making moves…You always said you were gonna make it big! And you did…you left a legacy for going after what you want! Living your best life! Knowing your worth! Against naysayers, many obstacles and at the risk of being MISUNDERSTOOD you kept fighting for YOU!
And that is how I will always remember you…you left that behind and I will carry my dreams through as part of my remembrance of you.
*Side note on how I got the name peanut *
I remember when we first met, the first year I modeled for Hot Couture (2014). You came up to me at the 2nd rehearsal (doing that lip licking thing you did…lol gassuh that was annoying) and asked “Aye girl why you always so serious?” In true Kers fashion, I just rolled my eyes and shrugged. At the time thinking, “Oh lawd not another one of those men with nothing better to open a conversation with” That should’ve been enough to throw any guy off. But not you though, you proceeded to come to rehearsals every day after that with a mission i.e. say something funny to see if you could make me laugh. Nothing really worked until one day you came with the peanut joke.
Cornelius: Why did the peanut cross the road?
Me: *shrugs and rolls eyes*
Cornelius: because he was ASSAULTED *insert your infectious smile here*
GET IT??
I burst out laughing, not because it was a good joke but it was just so frigging corny and dumb and you were standing there with the biggest smile ever, so proud of your lil joke. From then on, it was a peanut-ship, (sorry, not sorry for sounding corny) so much so we nicknamed each other peanut. It brings a tear to my eye when I think of that day now. You were a very popular guy, irritating to some (even me sometimes lol) and everyone saw you as the Dapper Gentleman…and rightfully so. But to me, you were that guy who made it his mission to make a stranger smile…and that was your true essence and I swear I will always love and miss you for that.
To anyone dealing with loss, I have no wise words to give you here. Nothing that will take away the pain of loss. Nothing that might ease the pain. I can only say, push through it. Take time off if you need to. Grieve. But come back to the light and find your peace.
Here’s hoping you find peace in whatever loss you are facing right now.
Peace, Love and Light!
-Kers
Happy Birthday Peanut! You are missed. You will always be loved. You are with me always.
Here are some messages from some of your HC family members:
As I age I have become more aware of how valuable life is. I am reminded constantly as l see my peers battle health issues and see them pass away too soon. But when a young person passes on, one as special as Cornelius, you are reminded that life is a gift that must be appreciated and honored. I am thankful I got to produce Hot Couture for three years which gave me the opportunity to work with and showcase the talent and the spirit of our youth! Cornelius will always be the face of Hot Couture. Your smile and spirit will always be with us. I am a better person because I was blessed to get to know you.
Hope you found peace 💕
– Mae
Live your best life is something I will always remember Corny for. His smile, his drive and his never ending energy! Happy Birthday Corny you did it big!
– Marci
Cornelius was the fun, competitive type of guy, the type of guy who really didn’t know what it meant to be serious because even in a serious moment he will find a way to make you laugh. It was always a different feeling meeting up with Cornelius because there was so much he wanted to achieve. He would always share the goals he wanted to achieve, and no matter how much you would try to make him believe these goals couldn’t be achieved he would set out on a journey to prove you wrong. He was filled with life, Cornelius lived life, he partied, he had lots friends, he was popular, he took part in anything artistic and he was also a great photographer. He was that candid guy. I will always miss him because his birthday was 3 days before mine, we shared the same sign, we shared the same drive and passion for life I learnt a lot from him and he learn a lot from me. I still sit and think of modeling gigs I did with him in the past, there was a never dull moment so I know he’s keeping the angels on their toes in heaven. R. I. P to a real one.
– Gibson
Cornelius was a very jovial individual yet very focused on his goals and always willing to help and give advice to others on how to achieve their goals as well. Whether it be in trying to keep fit or trying to run a business from scratch. A bacchanal junkie like myself lol he loved carnival. He is one soul that will be surely missed in the Hot Couture arena.
– Don
I officially met corcorn for my first fashion show. Always coming up with some silly remix at fittings that my ears and others had to endure before bursting into laughter. It was through his jovial side that he ended up with the nickname, Corcorn.
Cornelius was Always pursuing something; workout coaching sessions , photography, dapper gentlemen brand, getting to a better paid level of modeling, becoming a brand ambassador; The epitome of someone who understood his potential. Unfortunately, Sometimes we interpret this as being unsettled, all over the place, not knowing what we want etc. But he knew that he definitely didn’t want to remain at the same level every day; This will remain my memory of corcorn. I’m sure He had his dark, cloudy days like any other human but he chose not to be defined by it; He pursued his ventures regardless of discouragement.
There is something to learn or appreciate in every one and in his brief time, he was sure to leave us some inspiration.
– Bernz
